Lips of an Angel
by PastelPokerChips
Summary: One-shot based on Hinder's Lips of an Angel. What if Magnus and Alec never got back together after CoLS?


**A/N: Very loosely based on Hinder's Lips of an Angel song, so I strongly suggest you look that up and listen to it before or as you read. DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT own the Mortal Instruments nor do I own the characters. ;)**

 **Ok guys this is the second time I've posted this because the first time I did it was royall and I mean _really_ screwed. SO this time I hope it worked. **

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Magnus POV( point od view)*

I ran a hand down my makeupless face and thumped my head down on the bar after downing my 6th shot of the night. All I think of is blue eyes, black hair, and pale skin. That's all I've ever thought of for the last decade.

I bang my shot glass on the bar signaling that I want more of the fiery liquid. The bartender quickly comes and fills the shot without question. This might be hit number 7 but I come here enough that the bartender knows not to deny me of my alcohol. Let's just say the last time he had cat ears for weeks.

I run my hand through my unspiked, uncolored hair for the umpteenth time.

As I tip back the glass, I fill the burn on my throat that has become my safe haven. It's the only thing that distracts me from my life. My royally screwed up life.

But, I guess I can only blame myself. I'm the one who threw it all away in a subway station 10 years ago. So here I trying to drink away the memories and the pain, but it never seems to work. The only thing I seem to think about when I'm drunk _is_ him.

The way his eyes put the Caribbean Sea to shame and the way his skin even makes paper look tan and the way the black marks contrasted against it. The way his hair fell into his eyes and how the crimson blush would come out to play at even the slightest hint of innuendo.

Thinking of Alec makes my head spin and my heart flutter, but then I remember he's gone and no amount of glitter in the world could make up for that.

* * *

Stumbling out of the bar I decided to call his old number. Maybe it's still the same. I just want to hear his voice. _The voice_ I have gone so many unbearable days without. Replaying in my head the 'I love you's and the 'You're perfect's and the sincerity behind his voice as he said it. He meant it. He really did and I know that out of all the lovers I've had, he was the only one.

Dragging out my phone I dialed the number I haven't dialed in so many years but has permanently been etched in my memory. The ringing sounds through the phone.

 _Once_

 _Twice_

 _Three times_

I take the phone down from my ear and sigh. I was just about to hit the end call button when a horse 'Hello?' sounded through the speaker.

In a flash I pulled the phone to my ear. "Hello?" I was cautious not to get my hopes up, knowing from experience that it was for the best.

"Who is this?" the voice sounded again. It sounded tired and strained and worn like it had been through one too many days.

"Alec?" I breathed as I clutched the phone in both hands. I heard a quick breath being sucked in and held before being let out slowly.

"Magnus." it wasn't a question. He was there on the other end of the phone. The connection wasn't much but it was more than you've had in a decade. And that was more than enough.

"I-I...Um" I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to pick the words to use. After a whole decade of regret, I didn't have anything. Nothing to say. No beautiful speech to make him fall in back in love with me. Nothing.

"I'm... sorry" I breathed as if the words were mad of glass. The extended silence made it hard to breathe, but I hung on knowing that whatever he was to say, I deserved to hear it. Good or bad.

"So am I, Mags, but it's been 10 years. Isn't it a little late for sorry?" I pinched my eyes shut. He was right. The time to say sorry was when he was leaving the subway station, not now. Not when you're half drunk outside of a bar and he's God knows where.

"I know, but I had to tell you. Forever is a long time to hold it in, Alexander." the name rolls off my tongue as if it were made just for me. And I guess it was but I realized that too late.

"Why are you calling me so late at night? I really can't talk to you right now." he rushed into the phone as if he was sparing himself and myself another round of heartbreak, and knowing Alec, he was. He was hanging up on you soon. I knew it wouldn't last forever, it was jut a phone call. But I had hoped it would last more than 1 and al half minutes.

I felt the familiar tightening of my chest and throat as they swelled with emotion. It wasn't long after that that the first tear slipped out. Then the second. Then I was full on sobbing into the phone.

"Mags? Magnus? Are you ok? Why are you crying?" he whispered worry lacing his tone. That only made me sob harder, knowing he stilled cared after I put him through hell and back.

"I'm so sorry, Alec, it's all my fault." I sobbed and heaved into the receiver.

"No, it's not. It was mine I was stupid, and I paid for it." he whispered again. What's with all this whispering? After my sobs quieted down, I decided to ask.

"Why are you whispering?"

"Well, my wife is in the next room over." he answered devoid of any emotion.

Wife? Alec has a wife? This can't be right. I kind of knew he'd move on but not completely turn things around.

"Wife? What happened there, Alec? What's her name?" I asked under my breath, scared that my interest in his personal life would drive him away.

"Her name's Bea, short for Beatrice, but long story short, the Clave threatened to strip me of my marks shortly after you... broke up with me. I didn't want to do it, but you were gone and no one else was worth getting kicked out of everything I'd ever known."

Now the sobbing was back. I heaved in breath and threw it out rapidly. Not only had I left the love of my very long life, I had pushed him into something I _knew_ very well he never wanted. I tried to form a reply but he kept going.

"Sometimes, I look at her and I think she's a decent person to be with, but then I remember that when you're married they aren't supposed to be 'a decent person'. They're supposed to be someone you can't live without, and in those moments, I wish she was you."

More tears streamed down my face in a silent plea to save Alec from the awful reality I forced him into. I thought over what he said, and if I'm being honest with myself, I wish it was me too.

"You never deserved any of this, Alexander." I offered as if it would magically erase any of the mistakes I made. I pondered that thought as I wiped my tears. If they were magically erased, how would life be?

I came to the conclusion that any life with Alexander was better than what I have now and that's probably what I'd have. A life with him. Next to him. The only place where I belong.

He sighed heavily into the phone. "Why now, Magnus?" he sounded as if he were on the verge of tears.

"Why what?" I asked dumbly although I knew what he was asking. I just didn't want to answer because, honestly, I don't have one.

"Why call now when I already gave up? When I thought you hated me? When I already tried my hardest to get you back? Why didn't you call when I spent weeks texting and calling and apologizing?" I could hear the emotional undertone in his voice.

I came up blank. I didn't have an answer. Why didn't I take him back? I thought he was better off without me. He needed someone to love him and grow old with him. I couldn't do that.

 _Still can't do that._ I reminded myself.

"You needed to get out and get away while you could. I'm never going to get old, Alexander, but you will. You'll be old and grey before you can even blink. It would hurt you too much. The people around me always end up getting hurt, I just never really cared if they did or not before you." I spilled my heart to him.

He laughed once without humor. "You stupid warlock. Didn't you see? You were all I wanted. I just wanted to know you. Be closer to you. Hell, the only reason I went to see Camille was to hear stories about your past. _For the love of God, Magnus_ I loved you. And if I'm being honest with myself, I still love you, and I'm going to love you until the day I die."

I was stunned. Completely and utterly stunned.

"You still love me?" I asked in total disbelief.

"Who said I stopped?" he said almost to himself. I had no other choice but to hand my heart over to him again as I returned the three words.

"I love you too. I never stopped. I will never stop. I love you with all of me and no other lover has ever or will ever compare to you, so I'm sorry I threw our time away. But I thought it was best for you. I'm not that fond of myself, but I would be dripping with self loathing if I caused any harm to com to you." It wasn't until after my little mini speech that I realized what I said was 110% true.

Alec was it for me. There will be no one else. There can't be. They'd all be disappointments anyway.

"Mags, I have spent the last decade believing that you hated me and never forgave me. I tried to love Bea and although she can't come close to you, we're still married, so believe me when I say I love you but I can't do this."

My heart dropped at his words, but I understood. Alexander was always a man of his word.

"I get it Alec, believe me." I said the last part as a whisper to myself. "But for the record, I forgave you as soon as I got back to my apartment that night."

I heard him sigh in apparent relief.

"That's wonderful to know, Magnus. That means a lot." he said in almost a single exhale.

We stayed on the phone just a little longer listening to one another breathe, knowing this was the last time we'd talk for a very long time.

I heard a faint yell of Alec's name resound through the speaker as if someone was yelling his name some time later.

"I have to go, Mags. Take care of yourself." He said slowly as if to prolong the call.

"Bye, Alec. I might see you again someday." I felt a dry, cracked chuckle leave my lips.

"I love you, Magnus Bane." His velvet voice graced my ears one last time. And that's what we both knew it was. The last time.

"And I love you, Alexander Lightwood." I heard one more deep breath and sigh before dial tone played in my ears.

I slumped down on the brick wall, sliding my back against it until I was sitting on the ground.

I sighed once before picking myself up to go back to my loft. The same one I had my first Alec-related breakdown and the same place where I'd have this one.


End file.
